RAY

ilovembf Michael Fitzgerald @  @MadisonRayy how did I do?

excuse me while I smile the rest of the day. 
Silly man how didju find me.  

I’m more than terrified for april. 
I thought I was scared to move out to Oakville, but here I am packing up everything in tear’s. I keep telling myself it will get better, but how?
I’ve meet people who have made more than an impact on my life. I love everyone here so much. It’s like a family. A home. This isn’t a home away from home. This is my home.
Oakville is pure shit, yes. Yes I’ve wanted to drop out multiple time’s, and Yes I hated my life through the month of september. I can look past all of that.
It hasn’t even hit me that I graduated highschool. I still think yesterday was september 3rd. 9 o’clock, robin came over and he tried on all my clothes and drank with me. Molson and white wine. Fixing his flipsflop’s with tape. Then the next day meeting steve, jeff and ben. then sunday hanging out with erik, then having tomas pick me up and save me from frosh res week. Here I was, this shy girl from the city, who went to a highschool in the middle of no where, I secluded myself from everyone my last year, hating life and just wanting to leave.  I became this social person, who cared about nothing. I sleep when I want too, go out when I want, talk to anyone in the world. I grew up so much in this little res room. I’ve had my mistakes, my regret’s, my moments, and my love’s here. 

I’m going to miss this place, this shitty little fake wood and cement wall place.
I’m going to miss my stupid small shower, and stupid little sink.
and this stupid iron heavy clunky chair. and gushy bed that 7097097 people have had sex on. I’ll miss my stupid room key that has locked me out so many times and stupid mailbox.

but most of all I’ll miss my friend’s who I did stupid shit with.
Stupid shit that I will never, ever forget.

 this sucks so much.  

24 days left here.. 

just layin in bed coughing up shit in my lungs and not being able to breathe.

Today is the dead line to pick out a day to move out. 

I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to.  

April 23rd.  

I have a really bad obsession with making playlist’s for different occasions. All I can say is my morning play list really wakes me up. 

Last night was really good. We talked for a good 3 hours about everything, I actually talked a lot but had to stop a few times to choke back tear’s. We just talked about leaving and how I want to be the last one left here. I have to pick a day to move out soon and that’s scaring me more than ever. Then of course I had a major blonde moment and talked about how Shannon and I are going to go camping on our apartment balcony. He ranted about how he need tree’s and wild life. I told him we had bird’s and aspartame…. which of course I meant Astroturf. I don’t think we’ve ever laughed so much together before last night. It was such a good feeling. The best out o fit all was that he’s trying to go a week through sobriety, which put a huge smile on my face.  I’m just so at ease with everything now. I have a clear mind to continue school and just relax. Back to cleaning my room and getting ready for Drawing system’s with my babygirl Brittnay ! 


 

Today was nice, finally. 
Went and saw MBF with Shannon and Jess.
He really is quite adorable, He made a comment about my glasses * s0 in luv ~* 
Now I’m enjoying Rick bbq-ing outside my window.
There is a possibility  Curtis is coming over tonight to watch movies and have tea since we’re both really sick with a cold. 

 Going to get ready and clean now, hopefully do my nails ! 

loving this mood.